Sunday, October 11, 2009
My aching heart
Why is it so hard to be thankful??? Why is it so much easier to take things for granted??? Why is the grass always seem to be greener??? I Wish I knew. I wish I felt whole, or at least partial...anything but empty. Incomplete. Unsatisfied. Hopeless. Hopeless is the worst, the feeling that things will never change, that the way I feel at this very moment is imprinting itself onto my soul. Slowly devouring any sense of hope or well-being. It didn't take much to put me into this place. Just a few words of criticism, or at least what I perceived as criticism. I'm not usually this sensitive, I tend to let things not affect me too much. But when something hurts, it hurts so bad.
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About Me
- alanacompher
- I open my eyes and realize that I have yet another day to drag on through life. I lie in bed wondering why I was put on this earth, if pain and suffering is all I am destined for. I go through each day dragging my feet and am absolutely sure that my existence was simply a mistake. I could never even fantasize about a better life. A life where people keep their promises, where parents are in love and are together forever, like on tv. A little girl…years beyond her age, ignored by parents, defiled by man, bullied by an older sister and concurrently given the opportunity of a lifetime. It is not until we see the darkest depths that we can truly find freedom in ourselves.
It seems u know exactly how i was feeling that day i left. Why was i so sensitive, why was it so hard to be thankful, why was i letting the darkness get into my heart? It wasnt hard for me to get to that point of low self esteem either. We all have our moments of weekness, and as friends we should be supportive of our friends shortcomings and accept them for who they are. That is also part of loving, and having commpassion and understanding eachother, and yes that is tru beauty for sure. When we accept our friends faults and stand by them anyways. Im sorry u had to go thru so much turmoil when u were younger, and its hard to not let that past turmoil get into our lives today. It is a constant battle to work hard and sometimes smile when we dont want to i know for realz! U shouldnt feel empty. U should know that theres so many ppl out there that think ur r so beautiful the way u are, open toed shoes w socks or BC's. U should remember that all u have to do is reach out and there are so many who r there for u. When u have a hard day, just call somebody so they can remind u that everyone feels down alone and depressed sometimes. Depression is the stress of life on ur shoulders and u need friends who help remind u to shake it off, cause they have had the same kindof days. I think ud be suprised at how many ppl u know who have had the same struggles with balancing,life,stress,kids and spouse, and especially being the mom. Always trying to make sure everyone else is happy first. Dont forget to make u happy to, cause moms r the ones who bring the sunshine to the family. At least they should be.If everyone else doesnt see ur sunshine, they will wither without u. Keep it strong as u know u are.
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